i've been back from tekong since thursday. it feels good to be in the comforts of my home but i don't feel any happier. somehow, i feel happier when i was in tekong.

it sounds warped but that's just how it is for me. whenever i'm not in singapore. i feel like as though i'm free from my heartaches and past.

it's been about 2.5 years but the memories still remain. i don't know why even while i was in bed sleeping away, she has to appear in my dreams. i seriously hate myself. it's been almost 2.5 years but i still can't give up on the past.

whenever i'm driving alone in the night, for that few moments while i'm racing down punggol/sengkang, i feel free from the past. i wish i could drive like this forever. it's the only way i'm able to run away from my memories.

somehow, i wonder if i even try to forget her even though i am trying to? i don't know if i could say that. but no matter what i do to forget her. she appears in my dreams each time i do so. it's like a constant reminder of my failures in the past.

God, i don't know what's wrong with me really.

army life has been good so far. my coy officers and sergeants are nice to me at least. but of course it's the army we'll have to see their ugly sides at times too. but apart from that, minus the army part, they're nice people to around with. and so far good things has been coming to me in army. and it's an honor to being granted such honors. thank God.

somehow, i have that feeling no matter how hard i try to forget her. God has to constantly remind me of her. i don't know what it means but it's the first time ever i've been having problems in moving on. even if i can say i do have someone else on my mind now and the feelings are kinda like somewhere there. it feels so hard having to move on as a result of being constantly reminded of her in my dreams and i don't know why is it happening to me.

i just wish i can get over it. in time.